Earlier this week, like half the world, i listened to Tiger Woods make a public apology. [full trascript here.] I heard him on the radio as i was getting ready to go to work. I'm in PR, so I found it especially interesting. Because, after all, that was pretty much what his apology was -- an exercise in public relations. For the first few minutes at least, I thought the writing wasn't half bad, even if his delivery was pretty flat. On the radio, it sounded like a very tightly scripted, very well rehearsed performance -- although he didn't cry on cue.

But as the time went on -- and it really went on because Tiger had an awful lot to say -- I started thinking he should have hired me. I would have written short. I would have left out the stuff about his Foundation because it wasn't the time to be raising money. I would have left out the stuff about being a Buddhist, because that's between him and his well... er...Buddha. I would have left out the part where he tells media that even though he's brought them here at a time and place that works for him, they better know that what goes on between him and Elin is private and they can't have any of that. I would have left out the part where he says the media's been behaving badly when it comes to his wife and kids, and his belief that as a public figure he has a right to privacy -- although this didn't stop him from holding a media conference to apologize in public and use the media when it's convenient. I would have told him he's about two months too late.

Upon reflection, I'm pretty sure i wouldn't have been hired for the job, because in short, I would have told him the truth. But if he did hire me, here's what I would have written -- assuming he could deliver it authentically.

Good morning. Thank you for coming out. I appreciate you giving me this opportunity to reach my fans for free, rather than take out an ad and have to pay money, which I have less and less of every day because I'm losing a lot of my endorsements and spending a lot on this 12 step program at a fancy rehab joint. OK. OK. I would just be thinking that, but this is what I would really write.

Good morning.

I am here today for one simple reason: to take responsibility for my actions and to apologize to everyone I've hurt and disappointed. My friends, my business partners, the people who work for me, my foundation, my fans. I have let you down and i want you to know i am doing the work to ensure I don't do that again. I squandered the faith and trust you had in me and for that I am truly sorry. I want you to know that I am committed to earning your trust back.

The person i have hurt the most is my wife Elin. Not only because i have been unfaithful to her, but because I've created a situation where people think she hurt me. I need to be clear. Elin is the one that has been harmed. Elin is the victim of my bad behaviour. Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal: an ordeal i am solely responsible for creating.

The issue here is my repeated irresponsible behaviour. I was the one who cheated. I am the one that let everyone down. What I did was unacceptable and I am the only person to blame.

I was arrogant. I new the rules but I behaved like they didn't apply to me. I've hurt my children, my parents, Elins' family, and of course, most of all, Elin.

I have been in therapy for the past 45 days and i intend to return today because i have a lot more work left to do. I need to understand how I got to this place and what I have to do to ensure I am never going to be here again. While in therapy, I have had a great deal of time to think about what I've done and who I am, and frankly, I don't like what I see. 

At some point, but not yet, i will return to golf and I am hoping people will find it in their hearts to one day believe in me again. I appreciate the tremendous outpouring of support and generosity people have shown me and i want you to know i am working very hard to demonstrate that I am worth your kind words and thoughts. Trust needs to be earned and I am working hard to earn yours back.

I am committed to coming out of this experience a better man, a better father and a much better husband. But what I say today isn't what counts. It's what I do tomorrow that is really going to matter.

Thank you for your time this morning.

And I would have advised Tiger that the way to demonstrate that he's not so arrogant would be to answer a couple fo questions from the media he was using to get his message out to the masses. But that's just me. What would you have recommended?